Intention and behaviour- two very different things.
My husband often confuses his behaviour with his intentions, thus making ownership of his hurtful behaviour hard for him to do.
How to connect more deeply with your partner every day
Connecting with your partner really isn’t that difficult or lengthy of a process.
The crap we throw at our partner
Some weeks are tougher than others. When outside stresses put extra pressure on
Ah, the stories we tell ourselves!
Why are the stories we tell ourselves about our partner so dangerous? There are several
The twelve days of christmas
It’s the holidays- oh God. Time for fun and presents and yuletide cheer, right? Wrong!
Luck be a lady tonight
I think there’s a bit of luck involved in having a successful long-term marriage.
What Childhood Emotional Neglect Does
How do we learn to really know ourselves and discover what we need to forgive someone we love who has hurt us when we never had the time or space to figure it out as children?
When forgiveness is a hot potato
As children growing up in our households, many of us were faced with an awful choice of what to do when we were hurt, abused or ignored by our primary care givers.
Should it be or should it not be, that is the question.
But Iona, should I really have to tell my partner what I need from him? I mean shouldn't he just know me by now?
Can we take an honest inventory without first being vulnerable?
My best friend’s 20-year-old daughter is in love. She is in her first serious relationship with a lovely 23-year-old young man. It is early days in their relationship, and they are firmly rooted in the honeymoon stage.
be careful of the precedents you set at the beginning of the relationship…they stick!
“You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em” -
i married the man…
I often get asked how my husband and I stay so in love after all these years, and the truth is, I married the man who buys the popcorn.
To fight or not to fight- that is the question.
As a couples therapist, I often hear stories of these amazing couples who never fight or argue. They always get along, see eye to eye on most issues, are always on the same page! Funny, but when I meet these couples, they just don’t seem all that connected.
THERE AIN’T ROOM FOR BOTH OF US!
Put your relationship’s needs ahead of your own. For instance, if you partner feels abandoned when you leave during a fight, resist the temptation to go and stay with him. Go into another room, tell your partner you need some quiet time away from him/her, but make your relationship more important than your own need to split.
DIAMOND OR THE FLAW?
Focus on the qualities in your partner that attracted you in the first place. We tend to take them for granted as time goes on. I call this the diamond/flaw analogy. When we first see a diamond ring, we focus on the brilliance of the diamond, which is probably what draws us to it in the first place; the beauty, the shine.
YOU GET WHAT YOU NEGOTIATE, NOT NECESSARILY WHAT YOU DESERVE!
Don’t pave the way for what you don’t want in a relationship. Pave the way? What does this mean? I’ll tell you, it means don’t accept what you don’t want at the beginning of a relationship because it sets the groundwork for the entire relationship.
I HATE YOU SWEETIE! YOU MAKE ME SICK HONEY!
Use terms of endearment with each other, especially when fighting, it will remind you that you are both on the same team. (Groners eg- you make me sick, honey, I hate you, sweetie). I think the main problem from fighting or arguing with your partner is not the argument content, but rather the feeling of aloneness, betrayal and resentment that builds when your beloved stops acting in your best interest and acts in his/her own.