The twelve days of christmas

It’s the holidays- oh God. Time for fun and presents and yuletide cheer, right? Wrong! Christmas and holidays in general tend to be very difficult times for couples. But how could that be when there is mistletoe as far as the eye can see? Well, I’ll tell you….

Expectations are rampant during the holidays. Nonverbal, unconscious and heavily loaded ones. We fantasize and imagine all year how wonderful the holidays will be with our partner and with our family. We forget to include all the extra guests, chores and money we must spend during this glorious time. We forget all the pressure we put on ourselves and, on our partner, to have the best holiday ever, to give and receive the best gift and to make the best holiday dinner. We expect that our kids will be well behaved, and everyone will bask in the glow of the fireplace. A compelling fantasy for sure, but a fantasy, nonetheless.

We hope that this year, with this partner, that we won’t feel as blue as we have felt in the past with other partners or in our family of origin. We hope that every day we spend with our partner and family will be filled with fun and laughter and joy. We forget how busy the stores are and how packed most events can be. We forget how tough parking can be, how difficult our mother-in-law is or how much our father drinks during the holidays. We forget how disappointing they can be.

We cannot and should not glamorize the holidays, but we do. We expect them to be everything that has been missing all year from our life. A panacea if you will. We expect them to heal us and make everything all better. The holidays can be great, but the expectation that they will be perfect is just to much, even for St. Nick to bare.

We must pair back our expectations and just hope that everyone makes it through healthy and intact. That way, anything more than that will be a real Christmas bonus.

Happy holidays to all and to all a good night.