i married the man…

I often get asked how my husband and I stay so in love after all these years, and the truth is, I married the man who buys the popcorn.

I was talking to someone about marriage, and they were asking how I am still so madly in love with my husband, and how we have kept our connection strong.

“I know he doesn’t buy you flowers often, and he doesn’t bring home gifts for you..” they said.

Almost as if it was a shock that I could be so in love with my husband, without all of those grand gestures.

I get it, I do.

We have been trained by movies, books, and TV shows that those big gestures shown to the world, are the only way men should show love.

“Last week, he knew I really wanted movie theatre popcorn. We were out, and I quickly mentioned that I wish we lived closer to the movies, so I could grab a bag for tonight. While on the way home, he got off on the wrong exit. I soon realized he was stopping at the movies to grab me popcorn, while I waited in the car.” I said back.

The person I was talking to looked at me confused. Almost as if she was about to say “okay.. popcorn?”

I sat down, as I started to explain..

Appreciating the little things.

While yes, my husband has brought me home flowers. He has brought me home gifts. He has done big gestures of love before. That’s not why I married him.

I didn’t marry him for the flowers.

I didn’t marry him for the gifts.

I didn’t marry him for the grand gestures.

I married him because he buys the popcorn he knew I wanted.

I married him because fills up my gas tank when he knows I have a busy morning.

I married him because he surprises me and makes our kids school lunches when I’ve had a busy night.

I married him for all of the little things he does, that makes my life easier.

He makes the heavy load of life I feel, well, a little bit lighter.

I married the man who’s love is done so quietly, that you won’t be able to hear it unless you are me, and I’ve come to love being the only one who can hear it. 

I didn’t marry him just because I want those grand gestures.

I married him because he does little, boring, everyday things to make my life easier, because he cares.

I married the man who whispers his love so quietly to me, that no one else can hear it, or fully understand it.

I married the man who fills up my gas tank just because.

I married the man who does such “small” gestures to others, that only I would know how much of a help it was.

I married the man who knows I can do something myself, but wants to help anyways.

I married the man who shows his love to me, without showing the world.

I married the man who does all of the “little” things anyone else would miss, but to me, it’s everything.

I married the man who tells me to wait in the car, while he runs in to grab my random cravings.

I married the man who loves so quietly.

I married the man who buys the popcorn.

-Caitlin Fladager

I married the man who buys me popcorn. I love this article.

I love this piece. I married such a man. When I started dating him though, I didn’t realize that this was healthy love, this was sustainable, and this stuff mattered. I was in it for the show, for the grand gestures of love and he isn’t that type of guy. He’s an introvert and romantic in that sort of a way. I married the man who sticks with me through thick and thin. I married the man who hears the million and one things that I need to feel safe (being a trauma survivor) and does them with an open heart. I married the man who loves our dog. I married the man who makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I married the man who wears his heart on his sleeve and asks me for a better kiss when I give him a crappy one. I married the man who forgives my vindictiveness and pettiness without punishing me for it. I married the man who is more emotionally mature and reliable than I am. I married the man who loves and loves me unconditionally even though, oftentimes, it is not returned. I married the man who does NOT keep score. That’s what I do. I learned from my FOO that love is conditional. That when someone doesn’t do what you want, you punish them by removing your love until they do what you want. This is not love. This is an abuse of power and vulnerability. I married the man who is totally 100% different from my father, thank heavens. I married the man whose love is sustainable, steady, unconditional and quiet. I married the love of my life.