Should it be or should it not be, that is the question.

But Iona, should I really have to tell my partner what I need from him? I mean we’ve been together a long time, shouldn’t he just know by now without me having to explain it? I don’t know. I should be 4 inches taller and blonde, but I’m not! Losing ourselves in what should or should not be may help you to avoid the painful feelings of what is, but on the flip side, it prevents you from changing what isn’t working for you. Your life is happening whether it should or shouldn’t be. Reality doesn’t give a shit about what it should or shouldn’t be, it just is. So try to stay in the present, face what is and figure out what you need now instead of using denial to escape it. You can’t change what you can’t face! Face what is, grieve what isn’t and find your voice, your power and your agency.